Humor for the day!
- Thread starter sjb67
- Start date
theblakester
Got a black belt in keeping it real.
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In my parts, that cougar is still a kitten.
Harris hawker
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And....they VOTE!
Harris hawker
LSB Member
God I hope its April fools joke.
For you LEO's out there...
You know your client better than i do
A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms. The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.
When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"
Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks, "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"
The Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."
The Lawyer questions, "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH" underlined."
"And what does the "AH" stand for, Officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir.
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"
Well, sir, apparently you know your client better than I do.
You know your client better than i do
A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms. The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.
When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"
Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks, "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"
The Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."
The Lawyer questions, "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH" underlined."
"And what does the "AH" stand for, Officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir.
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"
Well, sir, apparently you know your client better than I do.
TEXASLAWMAN
Lone Star Boars Owner
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Two dislexics are robbing a bank, they run in and yell simultaneously; "Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a f#$k up."
My boss told me this one today, kinda cheesy but it made me laugh;
My boss told me this one today, kinda cheesy but it made me laugh;
Lol. He's a goof anyways so it's hard not to laugh at him. Him and my dad have worked together for the past 20 years, so he's basically been around for my whole life. He's always cracking jokes or talking smack, we really goof off just as much as we work.
TEXASLAWMAN
Lone Star Boars Owner
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Subject: PASSWORD FRUSTRATION
Did you ever have problems creating a password?
Did you ever have problems creating a password?
Here is automated Password Help from the website:
A friend was trying to get on a website to buy a product,
but she was having difficulties setting her password.
The interchange went as follows:
"Please create your password below."
roses
"Sorry, too few characters."
pretty roses
"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."
1 pretty rose
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
1prettyrose
"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."
1friggingprettyrose
"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."
1FRIGGINGprettyrose
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."
1FriggingPrettyRose
"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessRightNow!
"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightNow
"Sorry, that password is already in use".
A friend was trying to get on a website to buy a product,
but she was having difficulties setting her password.
The interchange went as follows:
"Please create your password below."
roses
"Sorry, too few characters."
pretty roses
"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."
1 pretty rose
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
1prettyrose
"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."
1friggingprettyrose
"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."
1FRIGGINGprettyrose
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."
1FriggingPrettyRose
"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessRightNow!
"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightNow
"Sorry, that password is already in use".
I have a users account on a Govt. website that is at least that frustrating. To top it off, the password must be changed every 90 days and you cannot use up to half of the same characters again.