Humor for the day!

Yes it was a flying suit so,into,flying or falling he never pulled ripcord or his friend.
 
rob072770 said:
It is kinda like the guy today who jumped of a cliff today with a cape. You can't cure stupid! And yes he died!
Click to expand...
Look !!! Up in the sky !! It's a bird ! It's a plane ! It's... STUPID MAN !!!!!
 
A Cape or a Winged Suit, makes no difference, just believe.............aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh........*!splat!*
 
sorry, did not know we were talking about the same guy...
 
You know, us Irish guys have a saying....."If you live everyday like it's your last day...someday you'll be right!"
 
That's a once in a lifetime experience!
 
This is my kind of animal abuse... put some ice cream infront of them and watch the ice cream headache happen. LOL

 
IRS decides to audit Grandpa , and summons him to the IRS Houston office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney .

The auditor said , “ Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment which you explain by saying that you win money gambling . I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable

“ I'm a great gambler , and I can prove it " , says Grandpa " How about a demonstration ? ? "

The auditor thinks for a moment and said , " Okay . Go ahead”.

Grandpa says , " I'll bet you a thousand dollar that I can bite my own eye .
"
The auditor thinks a moment and says , " It's a bet !

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it . The auditor's jaw drops .

Grandpa says , " Now , I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye ! "

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind , so he takes the bet
.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye .


The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand
,
with Grandpa's attorney as a witness ! ! He starts to get nervous
.

" Want to go double or nothing ? " , Grandpa asks , " I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side , and never get a drop anywhere in between "


The auditor , twice burned , is cautious now , but he look carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt , so he agrees again .

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants , but although he strains mightily , he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side , so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk
.

The auditor leaps with joy , realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a
huge win , but Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands .

" Are you okay ? " , the auditor asks .

“ Not really " , says the attorney , “ this morning , when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit , he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and
that you'd be happy about it ! ! !
 
LOL... been a while since I read that one, but always funny (each time).
 
"I'm a humper," -

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's, when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and Said "So, why are you here"

The yellow Lab replied, "I'll admit it, I'm a pisser. I piss on everything... the Sofa, the curtains, the cat and the kids. But the final straw was last night, When I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed.”

The black Lab said, "So what's the vet going to do?"

"Gonna cut my nuts off" came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."

The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked "So, why are you here?"

The Black Lab said, "Got my faults too; I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and Trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the Carpets, but I went over the line last night, when I dug a great big hole in my Owners’ couch."

"So what are they going to do to you ?" the Yellow Lab enquired..

"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said.

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?" "I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts; I want to hump everything I see." Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away" The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?"

The Great Dane said, "No. Apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"
 
Tell me again how tough yer truck is...

 
He should have backed up instead of trying to run it over
 
Tells you what these "tough trucks" are made of these days huh? That's a great video though!
 
A man and his wife were awakened in the middle of the night by a loud pounding on the door.
The man got up and went to the door where a drunken stranger, standi...ng in the pouring rain, slurringly asked for a push.
"Not a chance," said the husband, "it’s pouring rain and 3:00 in the morning!" Slamming the door, he returned to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Some drunk guy asking for a push." he answered.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did not, it’s 3:00 in the morning and pouring rain out there.”
"Well, you have a short memory," said his wife. "Remember those two guys who helped us when we broke down about three months ago? You should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people, too, you know! I think you should help him.”
Unhappily, the man dressed and went out into the pounding rain, muttering all the while.
"Hello, are you still there?" he called out into the dark.
"Yes," came an answer.
"Do you still need a push?" called out the husband.
"Yes, please!" came the reply out of the dark.
"Where are you?" asked the husband.
"Over here, on the swing ," said the drunk.
 
Now that is funny!
 
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